my first day back at school today! i just flew back yesterday and took the time to rest and catch up on sleep zzzz. i was previously kinda dreading school (reasonably so) but i actually had a lot of fun today! i genuinely couldn't stop smiling the whole day - i'm so happy to be back with my friends and spend time with them ^^ haha but of course going back to school was a wake up call lol i gotta lock in and get back on track. i completely put aside academics during my school break - not bc i was lazy or procrastinating or whatever, but bc i was just so busy i didn't have the bandwidth to get it done. i mean it's a compromise i'm okay to make, but it's just been overwhelming thinking about everything on my to-do list oh my god. i have the weekend though, so hopefully i'll be able to catch up by then.
i'm really tired today because i slept real late last night (idk what i was thinking . it was the first day of school . am i out of my mind) so i'm just taking a break for myself and journalling here (and watching a video essay on bayesian thinking at the same time!) i'll do the rest of my homework tomorrow morning before school starts but i just want to make sure i'm well rested :") i have a tiring day tomorrow.
oh and today i had my first advanced chem lesson of the year! i'm not sure how to gauge the difficulty but i've been told it's equivalent to 2nd/3rd year university chemistry major content? i mean my "normal" lessons are already 1st year standard - something akin to AP difficulty for my american friends... so you can imagine my classes are pretty rigourous. it involves a lot of independent learning too with self-guided lectures and tutorials so i really need to stay on track this year ummmm wait sorry im going on a tangent oops anyway it was initially pretty daunting but i found it really fun! learnt about molecular orbital theory today and all the nitty gritty details of it.
i find it really fascinating bc i feel like the more in-depth you go into chem the more it sounds like physics. like i am literally learning quantum mechanics and electron spin rules and whatever like Wow i feel so smart but actually it isn't that bad when you have the foundational knowledge. anyway yeah it is really cool i felt super confident and fulfilled after that lesson. got me thinking like i could do this for the rest of my life and i'd be able to die happy. i love learning and i love knowing. but idk is it selfish to want that kind of lifestyle for myself? learning is such a privilege and honestly broadly speaking there is no common good generated if a few people learn so much over their entire lives but don't actually get as many chances to use that knowledge to help others. to be fair my idealistic visions are far from anything feasible lol so i guess a more practical version of that lifestyle would be working in academia -> where you can still value-add to discussions and discoveries OR doing part-time studies while working. okay maybe that's not for me to think about right now hahaha. but yeah i am so happy to be able to study and get to know things i loove being a little nerd. YAY!
- j